Editor’s Note: Here at Mindvalley we get a lot of questions from our audience about how to enhance relationships.
While there are many different approaches, we turned to Master Energy Medicine Practitioner, Donna Eden, on how to enhance relationships in mind, body, and spirit.
Donna Eden has over 40 years of experience and over 100,000 students in the field of energy medicine, including how to enhance relationships with energy healing. We hope you enjoy her article!
Can we use energy medicine to strengthen our love life?
My husband, David Feinstein, and I actually wrote a book, The Energies of Love, to address that topic. It became a NY Times best-seller, so there is a great deal of interest in this question.
And for good reason.
People who are in a healthy relationship have fewer illnesses and live longer than people who are single or in an unhealthy relationship. And Energy Medicine can play a part.
Energy Medicine can help you find healthy and joyful relationships, or make your current relationships healthier and more joyful.
First of all, when you feel good in your body, you are more open to — and more likely — to find your way into a harmonious relationship.
Like attracts like, and Energy Medicine is all about helping your body feel good.
But there is much more to it than that.
David and I balance one another’s energies every day. This strengthens the bond between us and it gives each of us a way — with no nagging involved — to help our partner stay in a good space.
And when your partner is in a good space, that boomerangs back to you.
If I’m upset about something, or in an unhappy mood, David will offer to do a few techniques that turn it around.
Each of us is comprised of a unique energy constellation, and our ways of loving and communicating are reflections of that constellation of energies.
While like attracts like in some areas, opposites attract in terms of our fundamental energies. It turns out that your partner is likely to be very different from you energetically.
Learning about you and you partner’s energetic communication style goes a long way toward being able to relate with less judgment and greater love.
While that is a larger topic than we have room for here, here are 10 Energy Medicine tips for greater intimacy — simple tools that can vastly strengthen your relationship.
1. Hug Often!
Hugs get your positive energies to intermingle and meld.
Relaxing even into a 6-second full-body embrace increases serotonin levels, leaving you feeling closer, and if you were having a disagreement, less irritable.
Even couples in strong relationships tend to touch less over time. Initiate hugs even if your partner doesn’t, particularly at times of separation or reuniting.
2. Give Your Partner A “Spinal Flush”
Reflex points that impact every one of your body’s major energy pathways are located along the spine.
While most people can tolerate and will enjoy considerable pressure on these points, check to be sure you are not using more than your partner wishes.
- Have your partner lie face down and massage the points along both sides of the spine (but not directly on the spine), using your thumbs or middle fingers and using your body weight so strong pressure is being applied.
- From the bottom of the neck all the way down to the bottom of the sacrum (the base of the spinal column above the hips), go down the notches along the vertebrae and deeply massage each point. Stay on each for at least 5 seconds, moving the skin too and fro or in a circular motion with strong pressure.
- You can stop when you reach the sacrum or repeat the downward flush once or twice more. When completed, sweep the energies down your partner’s body with either one long swipe or several brush strokes.
- Use the palms of your hands to sweep the energy from the shoulders all the way down the legs and off the feet. Repeat the sweep two or three times.
- Check out this video for a quick demonstration.
3. Support The Production Of Oxytocin
Energy techniques can influence your hormone levels.
We know that sex produces oxytocin, but so can this simple one-minute technique:
- Begin by breathing in slowly and deeply as you draw your hands up from your pubic bone until you get to the center of your chest.
- Before you exhale, move your hands up and out toward your sides as if you were tracing a heart above and around your breasts. Slowly exhale as you bring your hands back toward your pubic bone, completing the tracing of a large heart over your torso.
- Repeat a few times. Finish by drawing your hands up the center of your chest and holding them over your heart for two breaths. You are stimulating your “radiant circuits” and triggering the production of oxytocin.
When you begin to feel stale or tense, stretch so the energies within you can move more freely. Here’s one effective stretch:
- Stand and imagine an invisible rope hanging down from over your head.
- Reach up toward it and pull it down with one hand, then the other, alternating hands for at least a minute.
- Feel the stretch in your arms and all the way down the sides of your body.
If you are feeling disconnected from yourself or your partner, get the energies flowing between your own head and your body by doing the “hook-up”:
- Place the middle finger of one hand on your third eye (between your eyebrows above the bridge of your nose) and the middle finger of your other hand in your navel.
- Gently press both fingers inward, pull them upward, and hold there for at least three deep full breaths.
6. Appreciate Your Partner
When you scan and state what you appreciate about your partner, you acknowledge how important they are to you.
The act of appreciation is so powerful that not only will it raise your partner’s level of happiness and energy, you’ll find that you’ll also have more energy and love to give to your partner.
Simply staying alert for what you like about your partner and gratefully acknowledging even the simplest qualities stimulates the biochemistry of love and boosts the energies between you.
7. Use Gentle Openings For Tough Topics
The way you bring up a delicate topic will have an immediate impact on your partner’s biochemistry and thus the energy that is activated in each of you and between you.
Tracking the amount of accusation, blame, criticism, and negative vocal tone and facial expressions in the early phase of a conversation has allowed psychologists to predict the outcome of a conversation with 96 percent accuracy!
Be aware of your partner’s sensitivities and find a kind and gentle opening for introducing a tough issue.
8. Keep Your Energies Moving In A Criss-Cross Pattern
When you are under stress, your energies tend to lose the natural cross-over configuration that supports your best thinking.
A simple way to get the energies to cross over from the right side of your body to the left and from the left to the right is called the Crossover Shoulder Pull:
- Place either hand on its opposite shoulder and press in hard behind the shoulder with your fingers.
- Drag your hand over your shoulder, maintaining the pressure.
- Continue, with less pressure now, to your opposite hip. Repeat two or three times. Shift to the other side.
9. Balance Your Energies Rather Than Battling Your Partner
If tension begins to rise between you and either of you calls for a cease-fire, you both should — by ironclad pre-agreement — STOP the argument, mid-sentence if necessary. Then, immediately, set about shifting the energies within yourself.
A simple technique to do this is to place both hands over the center of your chest, close our eyes, and take three deep breaths.
When you are both a bit more centered, do a shared energy exercise with one another — such as the spinal flush — before returning to the discussion. You will come back to it with energetic bridges repaired.
10. Get Curious About Your Partner’s Stress Response Style
Rather than judging your partner or going into defense mode, give your partner the benefit of the doubt. That alone shifts the energies. Get curious about how the behaviors and feelings you are witnessing make sense.
This opens a soft space within you so judgement is replaced with compassion and understanding.
In brief, Energy Medicine awakens energies that bring resilience, joy, and enthusiasm to your life, and this enriches you at the levels of body, mind, and spirit.
I’d love to know if you’ve used any of these tips to enhance the intimacy of your relationship, or if you know of any others. Share in the comments below.